I'm a 29-Year Old Teenager Looking Forward to Her 30's

Y’all: “How does it feel to be 29?”

Me: “I feel like a 29-year old teenager.”

I recently celebrated my 29th birthday on the greatest day ever: August 27th. And the common question  you always get on your birthday  is “how does it feel?” as if everything in life is supposed to change overnight. Normally I answer “it feels the same.” But, to my surprise, this year does feel a little different…

At 29, I’m not the 20-year-old who just got her first passport. At 29, I’m not the 22-year-old who was excited but nervous to move to Spain. At 29, I’m not the 26-year-old who was anxious to graduate in “uncertain times” due to a pandemic. And at 29, I’m not the 28-year-old who learned how much a new air conditioner costs - which is too much if you ask me. Ignorance was bliss with that one.  

Yet, despite all of this, I feel like I’m in limbo. Or too comfortable (if that’s a thing). Or perhaps waiting for the other shoe to drop? On one hand I feel like I’m a 29- year-old just getting started, living her life the way she sees fit. But on the other hand I feel like the world keeps telling me it's “time to settle down” or worrying way too muthafucking much about my uterus. 

Deep down I think the older I get, the more I want to make teenage Sojourner proud. I’m perfecting the art of saying no and not people pleasing. I’m tapping back into the creativity I learned when I attended Elm and Roosevelt. I’m not competing with other people because we all have different paths. And I never believe in rushing my season, whatever that may be. But I am constantly thinking about “what would 16-year-old Sojourner say to you if she could see you now?”

Sojourner on her high school graduation day in 2012.

Like most 16-year-olds, I was insecure. I fought puberty everyday cause wtf was I supposed to do about acne scarring and hyperpigmentation. And I began to understand why my mom told me “your body is your temple”, as grown men followed me to and from the bus stop in the hopes some part of my body could make them smile since apparently I don’t do it enough. So I felt how most Black girls feel - one day we are little girls and the next day we become little women. 

However, I don’t want to regress back to 16-year-old Sojourner. I love her down, but you could not pay me a million dollars to relive high school (though if you pay off my student loans I might consider it). Yet, since I turned 29, I started writing to 16-year-old Sojourner about what we’ve been through, what we’re up to, and how so much has changed. I tell  her to take her time and it’s okay to change her mind. I let her know that we wear all those hair colors and long nails we saw in Seventeen, JET, and Ebony Magazine. And of course I gas her up so she knows that we are still smart as hell and fine at 29 too. 

Sojourner traveling on a train.

At the end of the day, I think many 20-somethings can relate to wanting to make their inner child or teenager proud. From our hair to our clothes, many of us are living out our teenage dreams in fits that may have gotten us in trouble at 16. But as I usher in year 29, I’m grateful to not be lacking in personal or professional opportunities. I’m blessed  to have a loving support system and community. And I’m thankful I don’t have that  “I’m afraid to turn 30” mindset because all the 30-year-olds I know are fabulously learning, growing , and figuring it all out one day at a time. 

So if you ask me today “how does it feel to be 29?” - Here is my official response.

Twenty-nine is funny, a bit annoying, and also exhilarating as she lets her freedom and flexibility soar. Some days she is underwhelmed, many days are memorable, and others do entirely too much. Twenty-nine is appreciative of the lessons learned thus far in life, but looking forward to the mistakes yet to be made, and shenanigans to be had as we enter the last year of our 20s and beyond. 

Cheers to no more school, lots more learning, and for the love of my new passport, no more major global public health crises, okay? I still can’t believe y’all are letting me run wild out here unsupervised, but as I said  before - I’m just getting started!