My Journey to UBUNTU
“over and over again
it becomes known
the peace we seek
is seeking us”
Within those lines, I enter the cosmos. Passing space and time within the cyclical dimensions of Black existence. The interconnection of past, present, and future; the ancestral world, the world of humans/nature, and the not yet known possibilities.
Directions on the Cosmogram:
East - The future, not yet known possibilities
North - The ancestral world
West - The past
South - The world of humans and nature
North - The ancestral world
When offered the Evaluation Strategist role at UBUNTU Research & Evaluation during Black History Month of 2022, it felt like the universe was guiding me to where I needed to be. “How did you hear about UBUNTU?” is a question that I get a lot when I talk about the work we do and the community in which we operate. It’s like I’m talking about a magical fantasy world the way people are just in awe and question it; almost like I am lucky. So sometimes I do think, “how did YOU hear about this?” in my head, and the answer is quite easy — I heard about this just like how the stories of our ancestors have survived through the generations, stories carried on tongues and hearts—word of mouth. A friend's daughter worked at UBUNTU, and she saw a spark in me, insisting "Deja needs to be there." I listened to that voice beyond my sight, and it led me to the place I was seeking.
the joy a full bud
awaiting our attention
justice in our hands
longing to be practiced
the whole world
learning
from within
West - The past
Let me travel west on the cosmogram and revisit the past. It’s January 2020 and I’m fresh out of college, a bud ripe with purpose, eager to journey towards liberation with that bud in my hand. I’m working full-time as a Domestic Violence Advocate and I’m ready to make my mark in the world. I wouldn’t say I was naive but I just wasn’t GROUNDED. The soil I was standing on, trying to make root was still choked with inequity and anti-Blackness, but I was there again working to be that changemaker. Yet, I was blinded by a system entrenched in the refusal to see my soul’s divine worth - what we call at UBUNTU our social dignity, defined as a sense of mutual worthiness between individuals and their communities. So I stopped trying to dig, take root, and GROUND and just sat there watering that bud of liberation in my hand with tears of frustration. This was before the world stopped and then slowed down. I sat on that soil trying to figure out what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, and what I wanted to stand for and against.
It’s the summer of 2020 and decades of unheard cries and unseen pain packed that soil so tight that the ground beneath caved in - it's calcified and dried out so it could not hold up anymore. Or maybe it was one too many stolen breaths of souls packed into that earth by a system entrenched in the refusal to honor their dignity. Their right to live that is denied in the same system that murdered George Floyd. A lightning bolt of outrage cracked through the ground before the whole broken foundation burst open. And again, I was there ready to be a part of a movement, ready to make some shit shake, asking what should I be reading, who do I need to listen to, so I could be ready to take root, to GROUND and BUILD.
this thrilling mote in the universe
laboratory
labyrinth
internalize demands
Moving in concentric cycles, I pass through a window of possibility that opened that summer - or so it seemed - for real change. Organizations now wanted and were ready to talk about race and equity became the new buzzword. There was sudden funding for diversity trainings, a push for panels on unconscious bias, and eager white faces crowding Zoom rooms to commit to learning, unlearning, and relearning. But I and many other Black folks slowly realized for many, that this was just a thrilling blip in the sky - a temporary mote in the universe rather than real transformation. The commitments spoken louder than the actions taken.
I wandered for a looooong time in that hollow maze or labyrinth. The optimism of that summer cracked open to reveal the rot still festering underneath performative solidarity. That recent graduate I was telling you about, brimming with hope and purpose, was quickly running ragged. The microaggressions amplified within an organization still committed more to the illusion of equity than its difficult practice. I would raise issues only to be met with vague assurances and endless meetings with the leadership team and HR that yielded no change. No one seemed to hear the weight that was accumulating daily. So what did I do? I began to internalize those diminishing fucks to give as some defect in myself rather than the defective system at play. In that funhouse of distorting mirrors, I lost sight of my own reflection. Feeling ever more alone in a crowd of smiling allies who did not fully see me. And if they couldn’t see me, you already know they couldn’t hold me.
you are the one
you are waiting for
externalize love
bind us together into
a greater self
a complex movement
a generative abundance
an embodied evolution
learn to be here
East - The future, not yet known possibilities
I was in this coma-like state until December of 2021. I came across UBUNTU’s job posting on Facebook and saw a familiar face. Needing reassurance I asked my supervisor, turned friend, turned mentor, about it and if she thought I should apply. The quickness in her breath made it seem like she was waiting for me to ask.
You are the one you have been waiting for. The realization hit me as I read through UBUNTU's "About Us" section. This was the place I had been longing for - a community surrounded by other Black women, femmes, and non-binary people committed to the intellectual defense of all Black people in solidarity with the global majority. Here was a learning community actively fighting against anti-Blackness and white supremacy through education, facilitation, and evaluation. I spent hours cultivating my application responses with more care than I had given my fragile self in months. I needed to convey how much I needed to be at UBUNTU.
When I hit “submit” on that Google form I plummeted straight into swirling doubts - would I be “enough”? Imposter syndrome bullied its way to the forefront of my mind as I saw they had over 340+ applicants. Surely there was someone more qualified, more polished that they would choose over me. But a notification for an interview invite came through, and I was speechless - I vibrated with the possibility of finally finding the place, my place. But you know that insistent inner voice continued to whisper warnings of unworthiness.
The interview day arrived and, though nervous, I felt affirmed in my responses. I spoke candidly about my passion for liberation work and my commitment to unpacking systems of oppression. At that moment, I knew UBUNTU was where I was meant to be. Days later, with trembling hands, I answered a call from dr. monique inez liston who said that I got it, I was offered the position at UBUNTU. Nigga We Made it!!
beyond the end of time
there is a ceaseless cycle
a fractal of sublime
and we come to create it
to soil our hands and faces
loving loving and loving
ourselves, and all our places
South - The world of humans and nature
To those applying to UBUNTU or starting a new role in liberation work, I offer this advice: be prepared to unlearn. I had to grapple with how I had been complicit in upholding whiteness and white supremacy culture, infecting my mind with perfectionism, an urgent "rush" mentality, and defensiveness. I had to struggle to unlearn behaviors like seeing mistakes as personal flaws instead of lessons, constantly identifying what's wrong while failing to honor what's right, and sacrificing community for quick “wins” and feelings of validation. Practicing Beloved Community is not easy, and as Ebony would say, “insert the 18 cigarettes meme”
I also had to accept my humanness. In my passion for creating change, and my desire to advance and prove my belonging, I caused harm to those who thought they were protected within the walls of UBUNTU. When I caused this harm, I was flooded with shame. That insidious inner voice was loud, attacking my character, and making me feel isolated. Thoughts like "I don't deserve to be here" weighed heavily on my spirit. In the past shame silenced me, keeping me from taking full accountability. But Beloved Community requires showing up fully human. So I sat with those uncomfortable feelings, embracing the wholeness of who I am and knowing that while I am not perfect, I am committed to growth. Upholding the Beloved Community requires radical honesty and openness, equanimity in the face of conflict, the willingness to forgive, and a foundation of LOVE. It means struggling with our fears, leaning into conflict instead of avoiding it, and constantly seeking reconciliation by seeing the redeeming qualities in even those who have harmed us.
Moving towards true liberation is an ever-evolving journey of unlearning the oppressive narratives that have seeped into our consciousness. It requires vulnerability, a shedding of ego, and the brave acceptance that we will never "arrive" but must keep working, learning, and growing. It is messy, humbling work to unravel and compost old ways of being that limit our full humanity. I am still on that path, still unlearning the self-sabotaging traits that sneak into my thoughts and actions. But at UBUNTU, I have found the community to lovingly challenge me while offering the grace to embrace my whole, imperfect self.
In this work, always remember - everything roots back to relationships. The bonds we form, and the critical connections we make, are the invisible roots that weave our visions together and propel our movements forward. Sometimes, chaos is an essential catalyst for change that we must lean into, not shy away from. And sharing our stories, our knowledge, and our truths, is necessary for our collective success.
And there is JOY while radically imagining all Black people dignified and flourishing in the future. Black joy blooms through the soil — joy that comes from the relief of letting fall the heaviness of masks and armor we as Black womxn have carried for so long. We find replenishment in the rest and care freely offered by those tending this sacred GROUND alongside us in this Beloved Community. Here, there is no need to hide exhaustion or grief — Beloved Community members pick up the tools from our tired hands without judgment, demonstrating the trust to be vulnerable while we hold each other’s dignity. Laughter erupts frequently. There is laughter at meals ripe with spice and intimacy, we toast to wins large and small, give thanks for even failed attempts, or speak the hard truth all while we pass plates of knowledge and wisdom to sustain each other. Joy multiplies exponentially as we create time and space to rest and breathe, to be fully present with one another, to dance (Tamia Hustle specifically), and to move our bodies in resistance and delight. Fulfillment swells our bellies from knowing we are seeding futures where the next generations can grow wholly as themselves, unbound by the very same systems that dominated so many of our own roots. This work is not easy. But shaped by Beloved Community and sharpened by iron, we are oranges tossed into wooden baskets - our Brown skin glistening with sweat and thickening from bruising against the harsh environment, all while our hearts soften toward radical love. This is magic.