Community Care: The Case for Being In Each Other's Business

I grew up hearing all the time that I needed to mind my own business, meaning no staring, no eavesdropping, no asking a bunch of questions, and above all else, staying out of grown folks' business.

As adults, we label folks who are in others' business as miserable, bored, or even childish. We call them Busybodies, Nosy Parkers, and Meddlers. We caricaturize them as characters like Pearl, the ever present neighbor in the window on the show 227.

Even the Bible frowns upon being in others' business: "We hear that some are conducting themselves among you in a disorderly way, by not keeping busy but minding the business of others." (2 Thessalonians 3:11, NET)

With so many things telling me it is wrong to be in others' business, I make the bold choice to ignore all I have been taught and proudly be all up and through folks' business. I want to know who, what, when, where, why, and if it is going to happen again. I want to know how your mama nem doing, how the kids , how your new job going, how your husband's back is, if your wife liked her birthday gift, and if you got that new job? And I don’t hesitate to ask. I operate on the belief that we are each other’s business, and it is our responsibility to be about the business of each other. I want to see more folks in each other’s business. I want us to actively work to push back on the ideas of individualism that white supremacy has taught us is our cultural norm.

Being in each other’s business helps us to build stronger communities by fostering a sense of belonging and support. If you don't go across the street to find out about the new little one you have seen playing in your neighbor's yard, how would you know that they are caring for a nine-year-old foster child who will be attending the same community school as your nine-year-old son and would make the perfect playmate?

When I think about being in people's business, I think about growing up with elders in the community who knew who you were, knew who your mother and father were, might even know who your grandparents were. They could call them up if they saw you skipping school. They knew when your dad was home sick from work for too many days, making it the perfect time to “accidentally” make too much chili that night. They knew to ask questions of the young mom down the block if they saw her without the usual amount of pep in her step. “How is the baby sleeping? Have you tried swaddling her?” Being in each others’ business can be life saving when we ask deeper questions about a bruise that leads to teaching a young man at work ways in which to keep safe when experiencing intimate partner violence. None of this is possible if we were not asking questions and digging into each other's business. I don't think anyone would argue that there is not a need for more community cohesion and interconnectedness, but people are afraid to get into each other's business. Being in each other’s business is one of the most loving, brave, and empathetic things we can do for each other.

Being in each other’s business allows for active engagement which leads to communities that are resilient and thriving. COVID-19 stay-at-home orders brought an increase in domestic violence and child abuse cases. “Economic and emotional stress, in addition to the absence of other adults in the child’s life that would typically recognize and report abuse, may have contributed to increased rates of child abuse during the COVID-19 pandemic,” Dr. Collings said. “While school-aged children were sheltered at home, teachers, healthcare workers, coaches, and other adults outside the family were not there to notice signs of physical abuse”(Collings 2021). People who were professionally trained to be in each other's business, such as teachers, nurses, doctors, and social workers, were not able to get into the business of the children that they were accustomed to seeing every day.

In addition to offering opportunities for loving interventions, being in each other's business fosters an environment of accountability and responsibility. Nothing holds you to being who you say you are better than knowing there are folks that will get up in your business and remind you of who you say you are. Being in each other’s business keeps our community safer when we talk about not needing the police in our communities. Part of us being able to police ourselves and contribute to having safer communities is that we are not so insulated and isolated. We know each other and what is up with each other.

Getting into each other's business is helpful for folks living in isolation and loneliness. Younger generations are reporting having a very hard time making friends and finding their community because we live in a digital age; everyone's online minding their business. Going to work, coming home, and not extending themselves to their communities to get to know each other and get into each other's business in the ways in which we did in past generations. I know the cure for isolation is not as simple as finding someone and getting all up in their business, but I do also believe that nothing helps to start that building than a simple inquiry, just asking, “Are you okay?” Asking a coworker who you have not seen bring lunch for a while, “Hey, did you eat today?” There are so many simple ways in which we can start to go about the business of being in each other's business.

Being in each other’s business also allows us to promote empathy and understanding. I cannot recall the number of times that I've been in the grocery store and I have seen a toddler doing their toddler best to be heard and seen, to express whatever frustration they are feeling at the time. It's very rare that I see another parent just say, “Hey, you're doing okay. Can I share with you some things that helped me calm my toddler?” While it may not always be welcome, it’s rare I have gotten into someone's parental business and they have responded negatively.

While, again, I'm a huge fan of being in each other's business, it's very important to remember that we also have to respect each other's boundaries and make sure that we are getting consent before we get too deep in others' business. One of the ways I have found to do so respectfully is just announce it: “Hey, I'm about to get all up in your business, if that’s okay.” Right then, I state my reason for being there. Another example, “Hey girl, hey. I'm about to get all up in your business, and if at any point you want me to remove myself, I will. I noticed you made a post about XYZ, and I have a connection at XYZ Incorporated; would you like for me to share their contact information with you?” If they ask you to get out of their business, get out of it quickly.

When people allow you to be in their business, practice strict confidentiality. Before you share anything that's been shared with you, be sure you have permission to do so, even if you have the best of intentions. For example, “Hey boo, I noticed that you haven't been posting about being stressed, are you okay?” and if they share with you they've been facing some housing instability and you know the perfect person who may be able to assist them, follow with “Hey, I'm sorry that you've been going through this. I know someone who works in housing; they may be able to get you into some temporary housing. Is it okay if I share this information with them, or can I offer you this contact information?”

It is my hope for the future that more people are daring enough to be in each other's business, remembering to ask for consent, respecting boundaries, and upholding strict confidentiality. I think by being in each other's business, we will be more connected, more supportive, and more engaged with each other and live more fulfilling lives as Black folks. We know that nobody's got us but us. We have a rich history of being in each other's business, and I would like to see us continue that tradition. I'm particularly interested in seeing more Black women being in and staying in each other's business. There is a way that Black women care for each other that no one else can, and we must always be in each other's business without apology.

As for me and my loved ones, your loved ones, your neighbors, my neighbors, and people I have yet to meet, I will be all up and through their business.

Works Cited

Collins, Amelia. American Academy of Pediatrics, 7 October 2021, https://www.aap.org/en/news-room/news-releases/aap/2021/covid-19-stay-at-home-orders-brought-uptick-in-child-abuse. Accessed 6 March 2024.

The New English Translation Bible.